Ildavir, Goddess of Nature

“You’d do well to pay heed to Ildavir, if you’re traveling through the Wild! She’s everywhere: in the trees, the animals, even the grass sways for her glory.

I hear Old Gubbins met her last year, when ‘e was on a trapping run up Bearclaw Gorge. Says she came out of the woods, bold as can be, and gave ‘im a speech about paying homage to the animals ‘e hunts, givin’ back to the forest and all that.

‘Course, Gubbins drinks like a fish and has a head like a mule. Like as not ‘e jus’ spent a week tipplin’ up there, and talked ‘is head off to an oak or summin’.

Still. Can’t be too careful with them divine types.” Continue reading “Ildavir, Goddess of Nature”

Malotoch, the Carrion Crow God

“Some people say building gibbets at crossroads is just a way to humiliate doomed criminals further, to let passing travelers know that the region is ruled and protected by the laws of a stout lord.

This may surely be the case now, but originally the habit of leaving the judged dead for the crows was a mercy. It was done to let Grandfather Malotoch guide them to their just rewards in the afterlife, to make sure that those misguided souls who had strayed from their path in this life would find their destination in the next.” Continue reading “Malotoch, the Carrion Crow God”

Ulesh, God of Peace

“The Mediator stood at the site of an averted massacre, and admired his handiwork. The Duke had been prepared to crush the rebellious peasantry with arrows and steel, but the battle never happened due to the Mediator’s honeyed words and serrated threats.

The peasants would no doubt suffer under the new taxes and extortionist laws, but being them being alive and oppressed meant that peace was upheld. Peace meant that lives wouldn’t be lost in pointless conflict. Peace meant that the rule of law would be upheld.

Peace was always an uncomfortable compromise, most often born out of fear.

The Mediator knew this, and smiled.

Ulesh’s peace was upon the land, and it was good.” Continue reading “Ulesh, God of Peace”

Lempo – the Finnic god of Fertility, Fire & Fighting

I could have written a lengthy tirade on comparative mythology, folklore, magic etc. (I do have an academic degree therein, you know) but instead opted for this (somewhat) brief posting. For further information on the subject, don’t PM me, unless you happen to be a RPG publisher or something resembling it 😉

Lempo aka Lemminkäinen (various renderings of the name into English could include “the fiery/lusty/loving one”) can be regarded as the Finnic fertility/fire/war god. Never mind what the Kalevala tells you about him…reducing the character to the status of a “mere” hero. I have based my take on the decades and centuries of scholarship on Finnic folklore, as befits an obsessive Judge and shut-in nerd of questionable sanity. Continue reading “Lempo – the Finnic god of Fertility, Fire & Fighting”

Justicia, Goddess of Justice and Mercy

“Did’ja hear? Ol’ Hannah, from Squalid’s Row, y’know ‘er, she went to the church of the two-faced law god, whas’er name… Juhsticia! Yea, thassit. Justicia.

She went right up there, stood bare-bucking-nekkid in fronta the big scales at the altar, and demanded justice for alla the raglings and droogs living in Squalid’s hellholes.

Now, Mr. Squalid’s a real slumlord, don’t get me wrong. But Hannah ain’t no saint. She done opened ‘er legs for more delvers than I care ta think. Wouldn’t dally with no law-god lady if I was ‘er. Dunno what pushed ‘er that far, t’be’onest.

But lo-and-fucking-behold, the goddess answered! Mr. Squalid was turned into a rat, snap-bang, right then and there!

“YOU’LL LIVE IN THE FILTH FOR AN ETERNITY!”, a voice outta nowhere roared at ‘im. Squalid shat ‘imself, an’ ran down a gutter at full pelt! HA! No one’s seen ‘im since!

Ol’ Hannah wasn’t served much better, mind you. I ‘ear she’s still shittin’ through ‘er mouth, on account’a ‘er legs bein’ stitched together inta one limb. Ta keep ‘er off the streets, y’know.” Continue reading “Justicia, Goddess of Justice and Mercy”

Amun Tor, God of Mysteries and Riddles

“Right, so me and the crew were digging around in one of the old graveyards on the moors last winter. Just a bit of graverobbing, to warm our bones, y’know. Was me, Three-Finger Bob, Jenny O’Block and this clerical bloke we picked up at the tavern in Soulgrave, with an eye tattooed on ‘is forehead.

We come up on this crypt, silent like. Check out for traps, all the usual shit, nothing.

Creep deeper, and come to a heavy stone door. I nearly drop me ballast right there when this magic mouth appears, and comes out with some gibberish riddle.

Old Three-Fingers tries to blag a bullshit answer to the spectre and gets fried to a crisp. Apparently the wage for stupidity is witchfire.

So this cleric walks up, and tells us he can answer the riddle, if we help him. Asks us for a secret in trade, eye-for-an-eye, y’know. Now, I try to keep out of trouble with gods, the less they know of me the better, so I keep shtum. But Jenny, y’know how she is, dallying with them demons and everything, she’s got a right plonker for the god of secrets to trade for. Tells the cleric something that turns his face all white.

The cleric prays for a bit, comes out of his trance, and opens the door with the right answer, quick as you like.

Should’ve asked ‘is god what was on the other side, rather than the answer though. The skeletons cut ‘im to bits, before me and Jenny could do a thing. We ran off, of course. No point in getting everyone killed. Live to steal another purse, ‘s what I always say.” Continue reading “Amun Tor, God of Mysteries and Riddles”